Frozen
by LunaCangiante
Summary: Songfic to Within Temptations "Frozen." Spoilers, read at your own risk. And don't hurt me when you do.


YES I'VE FINALLY GONE SO MIND WARPED INTO THIS GAME THAT A FANFICTION CAME TO MIND. GO ME! So anyways here's the rundown, Alistair is awesome. The end. LOL No not really, I'll try and work that one out eventually, but right now I've got a slightly sadder one. Beware... In fact, Ye Be Warned. Just sounded like more fun to write, and it was. So enough rambling, MOVING ON...

Disclaimer: You think I would let my Warden take Alistair if I owned it. Please I'd hang that bitch on a tree by her undergarmets before I'd even let her within ten feet of him (I'm just nice like that XD) Anywho I think you get the fact that I don't own jack diddly poop. So no suing!

_**Frozen...**_

_I can't feel my senses  
I just feel the cold  
All colours seem to fade away  
I can't reach my soul_

She wont speak to me. Maker's breath, she can hardly even look at me after the Landsmeet. A decision that **she** felt the need to decide for me without regarding how I was going to feel about it. It was her call to make me king, even after she knew how much I didn't like the idea. Now, being stuck in an odd predicament has left me to make a decision I didn't want to make. I had to think of something, I had to find a way to end what we had, to hurt her now and spare her the pain she'd be left with should she still be in love with me. I had to pull together some lie that would make her hate me. I didn't want to, but I had to.

Sometimes I hate being me.

_I would stop running  
If I knew there was a chance  
It tears me apart to sacrifice it all  
But I'm forced to let go_

I didn't expect her to stop me from sprinting, sword in hand, to finish the Archdemon. She didn't know that I hadn't taken Morrigan's offer. I mean seriously, it's Morrigan of all people. I'd rather eat my own socks (if they'r even as dirty as Wynn claims they are, like I had time to sit and scrub them) then have to spend the night with her. Just the thought of it makes my manly parts itch. I would have done it for her, but there would have been no point, I'd have my fellow Warden on my mind constantly and it'd drive me into insanity. So instead, I'll make this sacrifice, as I have before, to let go of my love.

_Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?  
Can't tell the reasons I did it for you  
When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you  
You say that I'm frozen but what can I do?_

I can't help myself when I look back on what we had. It's like my mind is frozen in one sweet moment we shared in her tent. It gave me a little comfort that, despite what she knew about me being the king's bastard son and all, she still loved me for me. So maybe this is better, if she doesn't try to stop me. She wont try to stop me, I can do this easily. She might even think that I took Morrigan on her offer, the way she stands there with her arms folded expectantly. She finally shook her head and turned to the rest of our party. Zevran, Shale, Sten, Leliana, Wynn, the dog who I still swear is not as smart as people think he is, and Morrigan. Well actually, not Morrigan, because I wouldn't perform the ritual. Instead, she figured she was no longer needed and therefore left us to fight the great fight without her. Seriously, that woman is such a bitch! She seems to have noticed that someone was missing. I noticed my love's eyes widening as she spun around to face me. A look of fear on her face as she realized what was about to happen.

Damn. 

_I can feel your sorrow  
You won't forgive me,  
but I know you'll be all right  
It tears me apart that you will never know but I have to let go_

I can tell she's unhappy with my decision. Not anything new at this point is it? She almost looks sad watching me. She hasn't forgiven me, and I don't want her to, but she's not the type to let someone sacrifice their life if she can help it. I've seen it before at Redcliffe, Lady Isolde almost died for her son Connor, but she wouldn't allow it. Which lead us to an interesting occurance with the Circle of Magi and the Fade. Anyway back to the point, she has no idea why I did it. It was for her, all of it. Because I love her, and the saddest part is that she'll never know why I did it. She'll just think I was going for my one glorious Grey Warden or King Theirin moment. Nothing could be further from the truth. It was for her, as was everything else. I'm beginning to think that she was the only reason to wake up and face the Blight when I thought all was hopeless. How could one person inspire so much for a man who wanted nothing more to die at the hands of the Blight with so many others? She was jus amazing like that I suppose.

_Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?  
Can't tell the reasons I did it for you  
When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you  
You say that I'm frozen but what can I do?_

I couldn't look at her anymore. That pained look in her eyes hurt me physically, more so than any wound from the Blight or the Archdemon, or anything else for that matter. But it doesn't matter now, I have to finish this. I have to make sure there is no threat of a Blight that can harm her. She's all I care about, damn the rest of Ferelden. Damn the people, damn the cities, damn all the memories except my frozen memory of my love. She has to be safe, even if the king is not. I cut the demon's throat from under as it tried for one last strike, almost fell on me as I did. That would've been unfortunate, I was hoping for something more theatrical at least. I didn't get a say on most things as it were, if I was going to die, I didn't want it twitching under some Archdemon like a fool. So dodging quickly, as I've learned helps a lot, I raised the sword high above my head I let out one last cry and planted the blade right between the demon's eyes. It hit almost instantly, like a fire had been raging in my veins. I couldn't let go of the sword, but I at least hoped to stand up straight. Didn't look like that was going to be an option.

_Everything will slip way  
Shattered peaces will remain  
When memories fade into emptiness  
Only time will tell its tale  
If it all has been in vain_

She watched me in fear as I gave my life for her. She was confused as to why to say the least. Does it make me such a bad person to say I'm glad she was confused for once and not me? I know I'm not great with my thoughts, but for once I wanted to be the only one who knew what he was doing. This was it, my one and only opporitunity. Would she remember me after? Would she want to? Surely she wasn't so weak as to stop breathing because of me. Especially because of me! I don't want her to grieve over me for the rest of her short life. I want her to be happy. I just hope that one last thought of me will not be one of hate, if that be my only dying wish.

_I can't feel my senses  
I just feel the cold  
Frozen...  
But what can I do?  
Frozen...  
_

Suddenly I couldn't feel anything. Not the fire, not my regret, nothing. I felt cold, numb in a sense. But not a bad numb, more of one that was inviting me to rest. Without having to fear that Shale would crush my head in while I slept. Yet my mind did not wish to stop just yet, that memory, that one moment of comfort. I'd take it with me for the rest of my life in the Fade if I could. Can I, I wonder? Maybe this wont be so bad after all. I'll always have her with me when she dreams. Maybe when she reaches the end, and she dreams one last dream I'll tell her why. Maybe then she'll forgive me. And if she doesn't, well I'll have to work that out when I get there. So it's possible I don't know as much as I wanted to. Damn!

_Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?  
Can't tell the reasons I did it for you  
When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you  
You say that I'm frozen, frozen...  
_

"Alistair," she calls to me. It was the last thing I heard before being blown across the tower like a ragdoll. It was like the Maker decided to give me one last reward for dying for her when I heard her voice so sweetly calling to me. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, but I didn't want her to know and drag this guilt with her the rest of her life. No, there will be a time and a place for that. For now I'll be content with my frozen memory of my happiest moment. It's funny, I always thought my happiest moment would have been joining the Grey Wardens. In a sense it is, it led me to the best days I'd ever know. Even during a Blight if you could imagine of all things. I closed my eyes, or at least I think I did, everything was black in a instant and the fires where gone. I was frozen.

(A/N: Okay so three things you're probably wondering. 1.) What was the excuse? 2.) Who was she (aside from Warden it was a little obvious)? and 3.) Why was there no dialog and some of the story changed. All I can say is that I made it a point not to include these things to follow any of the stories as closely as possible. As far as changing goes... Well it just fit better. So there you have it. I killed Alistair as well as I can at 2:30 in the morning. So for those of you who have read my other crap, you know the deal. And for the rest of you: Read, review, and remember I love you.)


End file.
